Spirits Speaking from the Heart at Tranquil Spirit.
Channeling Spirit Communication through Trance Mediumship
Spirit Answers to Visitors' Questions during March 2005
This page will be revised at the beginning of each month.
The following are Hai's and other spirits' responses to miscellaneous questions recently posed by visitors to this web site or by personal visitors to our home. If you would like to ask a general question please complete the Question Form or post it in one of the Web Board's forums. Please do not use this form for personal questions relating to your own specific circumstances/issues. It is ok to use the form for questions which would be equally relevant to other people. If you have a question of a more personal nature please see the Consultations Page. Alternatively, you can post your question on the Web Board.
Spiritual Development and Human Relationships
Issues about relationships have been very much on the agenda this month. The following transcript came from a private sitting with Hai. The person wanted to talk about a relationship problem but also asked other unrelated questions. We thought the communication would be of interest to many people so the sitter gave us permission to print most of the transcript here.
Q: Is it normal for people who are spiritually evolved to not want a close relationship?
Hai: No, this is not an aspect of spiritual involvement, unfoldment, or fulfilment. This depends upon the way of life, which the person seeks. So the person in the monastery who has given himself up to meditation, to the monastic life, then this is a life where generally they do not consort with people of the opposite sex with a deep relationship. But yet there have been many householders down the ages, through the aeons of time whom have been enlightened ones, who have been fulfilled ones, yet they have a wife or a husband and children. They have been wise ones, enlightened ones equal to the greatest of the Zen monks. Therefore enlightenment is not a function of relationship - or not, marriage and family - or not. It is not to do with this.
There was a great layman in China. He was great enlightened one. He had a family and children. He cared for them, he loved them, and he fulfilled all his fatherly and husbandly duties towards them and his wife but he fulfilled his duties towards them out of love, not out of duty. Yet he also embraced everyone else he met. He laughed with those who laughed, he cried with those who cried regardless of his relationship with them.
Q: Would someone like that believe in free love and possibly go out with another woman when they already had a wife? Would that be ok in his eyes?
Hai: He gave himself to the first woman as his wife. He entered a bond, an association with this first woman he took for his wife, a deep bond of love and compassion. Having entered this bond of deep love and compassion how is it possible to enter a similar bond with another woman; this in not possible. He has given himself to the first woman in a deep relationship. He cannot give himself to another woman in a deep relationship. It is like, how shall we say;
It is like I pour out a cup of pure wine into a goblet. I give you cup of pure wine in a magnificent cup. It tastes so good, so rich, so pure in quality, yes. I have your friends come in. Twelve friends with you in total, yes. I say; ah I do not have enough wine to go round. I will tell you what I will do:
I half fill all your cups with water and I pour the wine into each cup in turn; and so, do you think this wine will taste as rich, as pure, as good? No. So therefore we have diluted the wine. It's ok, it still tastes good, yes, but it is diluted, it is not of same quality and strength as the original pure full wine. And so it is.
You should not take this analogy too far but it has its own truth as far as it can go. For we could say to you that while you are with a particular person you truly give them your one hundred percent love, yes, but it is the love appropriate to the time and moment. You understand? While you speak to the beggar in the street you give that beggar one hundred percent attention one hundred percent love and compassion for you are totally with them in the now. But it is of a certain order, a certain quality, this love that you give to the beggar.
So it is with the love that you give to everyone in the world. Each time you enter this earth you enter in it in a role relationship to different people whom you may have had a role relationship in other past lives. So you may live a life with them as a lover, as a brother, mother, father husband wife child. And each time you come back you may still meet some of these people but yet the role relationship will be different and the nature of that love is different also.
And we learn through this changing nature of love, this changing nature of love relationships with different people. We learn to love people in different ways and this part of the understanding, of understanding love, of growing in our understanding of love. Love is not one thing; it shows itself and manifests in many ways, in many depths and you must experience the richness of all these depths to truly grow in love, to truly grow in great compassion.
If you imagine love is the same to every person, in every circumstance, in every arrangement, therefore, you do violence to it for you do not understand. Do not fully understand. Those who sometimes say: "I will love everyone; I will love everyone just as equal to everyone else", they delude themselves for they do not do this anyway, for this is not possible. This goes against the natural order of things. They must learn to love people in different ways, as a son to father, brother to brother and so on. The quality of all these loves is different while partaking of the same essence. Therefore they must learn this richness of love. You must experiment and learn of this richness of love to become complete, to become whole and fulfilled with love.
It is an attachment it you hang on to this attachment for there comes a time in the natural order of things when our ways must part, when we come to a cross roads and one person must take the left hand fork and the other person must take the right. When we come to this cross roads, this fork in the road, then you must go your separate ways knowing that each has his or her own journey to fulfil. This does not mean that you think any the less of the person or that you erase them from your mind but rather that you are able to think of them without pangs, without loss and without regret. But yet you are able to think of them with love, with affection, compassion yet not hang on to their presence, for their presence may be required elsewhere. They may require themselves for their presence to be elsewhere.
Q: Some might say they have become non-attached after experiencing a painful loss?
Hai: No, this is avoidance of pain; this is not non-attachment. Non-attachment comes out of enlightenment, yet even though you are not fully enlightened you may have enough understanding to understand its nature, this non-attachment. But you can only be fully non-attached when you understand that there is nothing to be attached to, for you are complete as you are in your Eternal Now, your Eternal Self. When you understand this completeness in your Eternal Self, when you understand there are no barriers, no divisions, no separation, then where is there for attachment to cling, where is there for attachment to be, to exist; it is redundant.
What you speak of is attachment to no pain not non-attachment. It is attachment to no pain, for the fear, the experience, having had the experience of pain.
Pain and Suffering
Q: Why is there so much suffering in the world and will it ever be completely eradicated?
Hai: Yet it is the nature of this world, of suffering to exist, for in suffering there is the salt, which refines the taste of life. For without suffering there would be no growth, no unfoldment, or fulfilment. This is hard to see and understand yet it is true that without suffering there would be no test, no growth, no fulfilment. Therefore you have willingly come to this earth plane my child to experience this suffering, to struggle with it with your mind and heart and try to make sense of it, to transcend it.
Q: If we are all God why would we create suffering?
Hai: Who said we were all God?
Q: Well we are all one aren't we?
Hai: What is this oneness? If you start from the premise of a concept you will never know it. You see and experience the Godhead, the Now, the Oneness, the One Mind and all answers will be given. You will never solve this riddle with your human mind this issue of suffering and pain. You will never solve it with your human mind, your rational mind. You must leap the chasm like the tiger that leapt the chasm across the mighty river and you will see the light of enlightenment.
Q: Is there no pain in the spirit world?
Hai: We feel the pain of your lives, the pain of your discomfort. There is no pain as such in the spirit lands, in those lands, which we frequent anyway. There are those who have chosen other paths and other lands in spirit and they suffer mightily, more so than you suffer here, but that is of their own doing, their own path which they've taken. But we seek them out. We seek them to turn them about to bring them to the light.
Q: Do the spirits on the planes, which you visit, do they reincarnate to this world?
Q: Why would they willingly do that when there is so much suffering here?
Hai: This I have already answered for you for they seek the growth which the test of suffering may bring and knowing that it is transient, knowing that it is but a passing cloud in the bright blue sky.
Q: A book I read recently said something about duality. So you say that without suffering we can't grow, therefore there is no happiness so that's creating a duality isn't it?
Hai: We said that we know happiness because we know unhappiness and we know unhappiness because of happiness. But I would tell you that in the spirit land you will know happiness. Happiness will also be yours here if you can learn the peace, which comes from the focusing upon your inner heart, your inner centre, your own inner completeness.
Q: People say that we can create hell or heaven on earth so wouldn't that suggest that you create……
Hai: It is true that you create your own inner reality with your thoughts by your negative or positive thoughts or by your more moderate thoughts. The reality lays somewhere between the two extremes of your negative and positive thinking, your overoptimistic thinking. There is a middle way, a middle path that the Buddha taught. This is the way to see reality, the essence of all things. Neither to put on rosy spectacles, neither to put on glasses made of pitched black but rather to try to clear your vision to see things as they truly are.
When you look at a flower in all its beauty; when you are at one with that flower without analysing it without criticising it without judging it without evaluating it because you are merely at one with it, then this is the experience of the Now. This is the experience of Reality.
Q: Do we hurt the horses when we ride them?
Hai: Why should you think this?
Q: Because we have to kick them to get them started.
Hai: If they are lazy they need encouragement like human beings need encouragement. A horse also has things to learn while on this earth plane.
Q: Do they choose to be horses?
Hai: Yes. They are horses that enjoy the experience of being a horse.
Q: So it doesn't hurt?
Hai: You should not think of this. So you show them love.
Q: Does it hurt the flowers when they are picked?
Hai: Flowers give themselves freely to be picked. They give themselves up for your enjoyment, for your upliftment.
Q: Do they feel pain, though?
Hai: Experience the pain of giving themselves in love.
Q: Wouldn't it make sense to not pick them because that would stop their suffering?
Hai: They would then not enjoy their time with you.
Q: I don't understand.
Hai: The nature of a flower is to be admired and to be loved, to be gazed upon, to have its beauty recognised, therefore it is natural that these flowers will be picked. You should pick in moderation to allow plenty to continue to exist in the field.
Q: Is that like humans are told, to give without expectation? Flowers give love without expectation.
Hai: Yes you should give without expectation. You give without expectation yet you are open to all possibilities. So in your relationships you should give without expectation but do not limit possibilities. So each time you give in a relationship it may be the person who is your other half of your being, your soul mate if you wish, but if they are not you have given without expectation. If you give without expectation but make a limiting clause of this, you do injustice to it; you do violence to it, for you must be open to the possibilities, the divine possibilities of life. If you limit it you do violence to the nature of life.
Q: It's very easy to give to a stranger without expectation but hard to do that with someone you are emotionally involved with.
Hai: And so you learn a deeper love, a deeper meaning of love, my friend. It is not hard to give a penny to the beggar in the street. It is hard to give your love to a friend who does not love you.
Q: How can you practise giving your love to someone who doesn't love you?
Hai: So you do it without expectation.
Q: That's very hard.
Hai: But you do it within the boundaries, which are sensible.
Q: Do you mean that I would not have a full relationship with someone who didn't love me but I can love them in a different way?
Hai: This is so. You love according to the nature of the relationship, according to the depth of the relationship.
Human Growth and Unfoldment
The following came from two people who sit regularly in our home circle. It would seem that the following question had nothing whatever to do with relationships. However, Hai always seems to know what is needed on a particular night and below we show how he manages to bring in the topic of relationships, which he is aware is uppermost in the mind of two members of our group.
Q: Is this planet going through a dimensional shift into a higher density?
Hai: The world evolves, the world moves forward on its own path. The world has been moving forward for a long time on its path. The world has been slowly gradually moving forward on its long path. Know also the society of man and woman has been moving forward to. Its rate of development growth has changed and fluctuated. Sometimes with there being rapid movements, sometimes with the movements going slowly. But it is not useful to think about things in this way, which you contemplate. What does it matter? It is of no importance.
What is important is for each of you to grow in your own way in openness and honesty. What is important is for each of you to be open enough to grow and unfold in openness and honesty. If every individual opens, grows, unfolds in this way the matter of societies' unfoldment and development will be taken care of easily. But the problem lies in the fact that individuals do not grow in openness and honesty for they become stuck for all manner of reasons. Some doubt that they can move forward, that they can change. Some say they are not worthy of change, of growth, of development and unfoldment. This is their own self-limiting idea for everyone is worthy of this. Some think they are already developed yet they are not as developed as they think. Some subscribe to a certain religion and think that this religion is the only way for development and growth; they are mistaken. So there are many reasons, many hindrances to prevent people from growing, unfolding in love and compassion. Those who would unfold and grow in love and compassion must put aside all concepts, must put aside all ego, must put aside all preconceptions, and be as the flower greeting the sun in the morning in the dawn.
Q: When you talk of growing, what if by doing that you would be hurting another person?
Hai: Why should this hurt another person, my dear Carol?
Q: If they see it as a threat because your growing might affect them and they are not willing to accept it.
Hai: And by what manner would this affect them?
Q: Because it would change their life in a way they don't want it to be changed.
Hai: The whole of life is about change is it not, there is nothing which remains static and unchangeable in this physical world; the nature of this physical world is change. Yet in spite of all this there is changelessness behind the scenes within this very changing nature of life. If a person would hold on to the day it is like as if they would freeze the very water which they need to drink to ice, and therefore they would be unable to drink it. We cannot strangle life, we cannot strangle the flow of life; life ever moves on. And if we would grow we need to be free to this flowing nature of life both in ourselves and in others. We must be prepared for others to change and if we are open and compassionate and loving towards those who we love then we can accept the change. And though we do not always understand the change yet we can embrace it for their sake out of loving compassion for them.
This is the last stronghold of ego when people are unable to let go for it is as though they have written a book on themselves, on their own being, defining and limiting themselves and it is as if they are worried about someone else coming along and re-writing that book. But it is only a problem because they have written the book in the first place, written a book where no book has a right to exist for they have limited themselves where there can be no limitation. You follow me?
Q: So in that situation if someone asks you a question and you are honest and you give them an honest answer but they don't like your answer so they get hurt or angry or upset by your answer by being honest, how do you deal with that?
Hai: Then you give them your honest answer and you explain it with compassion and humility. There is no way to totally avoid pain in this life for there will be those whom you will have to speak to who will be pained by what you say but if you do this in all loving compassion and openness and honesty then this is all you can do. But you too must be sure of your own intent. You too must be sure of your own honesty with yourself, yes? There are those who do things to hurt others, not deliberately, not with intent but nevertheless they do things to hurt others mistakenly. But if you act out of openness and honesty with integrity and honesty with yourself above all, then this is all you can do, to say what you must say in loving compassion and understanding to the other person. They in their turn must learn to listen, to accept and to grow, for this is their mission in this, this is their purpose in this; this is their opportunity to respond to what you say.
Q: So if they are not willing to grow or take on your growth, do we have to let go of them?
Hai: They should be willing to allow you to grow and not to hinder you, yes. Each of us must do what we see to be the truth in our heart. If we frustrate this we will make ourselves unhappy, this must follow must it not; we must be able to feel free to grow within ourselves. If we feel that we know the truth, and we have followed and reflected on it with conscious thought to satisfy ourselves that it is indeed the truth, then we must feel free to follow this truth along its course to aid our own development and growth.
If you are in the desert and you are thirsty you would not pass an oasis by would you not, you would go to the oasis and quench your thirst. So it is with this matter of truth and development. We each of us seek our own unfoldment, our own growth and development, therefore we cannot pass by the oasis no matter how many people tell us to, no matter how many people would draw us off the path. Therefore those who are about us should be able to give us enough understanding to allow us to explore our own way, our own path, even if they cannot understand it or fully embrace it themselves. For they are at their point of enfoldment and development and you are at yours and the paths, the avenues that you both must tread may vary anyway.
There are many paths up the mountain. But you must find your own path and follow that which you find fitting for yourself and therefore they should have understanding for this and it is ultimately a test of their love that they are able to let go sufficiently for you to do this. Therefore for those who we love there must be a time, in some ways a letting go. This is true is it not, freedom, I mean to do what they wish to do.
My friends it causes us much sadness to think of this in this way because we are so aware, so conscious of the pain that can exist between you in your relationships because of these issues, but it is only because of the fear that exists in peoples hearts, the uncertainty which exists in peoples hearts and the lack of security. But they should know that deep within their inner centre there is security, compassion, love and all knowing wisdom and there is no reason or need to feel threatened or insecure.
From the day of your first breath on this earth all of you, was there ever a time you could hold your development, your physical development? Was there ever a minute, a moment, a fraction of a second when you could halt your body's processes to halt your physical development at that point in time? No, and so it is. This is the nature of life that it is constant unfoldment, constant re-creation and as it is with your body so it is with your mind, your personality, your spiritual being; it is a matter of constant unfoldment, of re-creation, like a tree that grows in the sun nurtured by the rain and sun. So it is with you my friends. You are living beings and living beings grow and develop; they are not in some museum case. Does this answer your question?
Non-Attachment and Inner Happiness
Hai: You must wait for your compass needle to settle. It is all over the place at the moment so therefore you must wait for it to settle. The needle will settle, it will stabilise over a short time but you must let it stabilise then you can get the true direction which you seek, the true way forward for your life. You must not agitate your mind, must not trouble your mind and stir it up. Allow it to settle.
Another image I can give you is of the muddy water in the pond. You muddy the bottom of the pond, you get muddy water which you cannot see through. But if you allow this to steady itself all the silt will fall back to the bottom of the pond again and it will become clear.
Q: How do you do that?
Hai: By not stirring it up. Just allow it to settle itself; must be free, must be non-attached to results, to events. This is true non-attachment. To be non-attached to results, to events.
Q: How do you become non-attached to events?
Hai: By stilling the mind. When you see, then you will realise that all these changeable events are nothing but the froth on the ocean, froth on the sea. You are complete onto your self. This is what you must realise. It is difficult when you are young, but you will realise in time. You are complete unto yourself and it is only when you are recognising this completeness unto your self that you may truly enjoy your relationship with others.
Q: Do you mean that you to be happy within yourself, Hai?
Hai: Yes, do not look for happiness outside yourself. You have fulfilment in some of the things you do, yes, which you seek for yourself? You should try to find greater fulfilment in this, greater happiness in this, greater completeness in this. Then you will find that relationship will come of itself without your seeking.
Regular Question Nights are held at our home in Stockport, England. If
you live within travelling distance why not come along and meet Hai and his
spirit friends. Ask about life in the spirit world and get their perspective
on issues of interest or concern. Question Nights are currently held one evening a month
8.00pm to 10.00pm, cost £3.00, including light refreshments.
If you cannot visit in person you can still pose a question either by completing the General Question Form or by posting your question in one of the Web Board's forums. Please note that questions of a personal nature should be submitted using the Postal Consultation Form which can be accessed via the Consultations Page.